Today I’m not ok and that’s ok

I’m tired……..I’m overwhelmed………I’m angry and I’m just so sad.

My heart hurts………….I want my Jacky Boy back and I can’t have him back.

This is my grief, and it sucks.

This is what it looks and feels like when someone has destroyed your whole world!!!!

No one knows the struggles we face behind closed doors except those who are enduring this horrific nightmare.

No one can comprehend how every single aspect of our life and my family’s life has changed.

No one knows how fragile every relationship is now.

People say they miss the old me.

I miss her too.

A big part of me died with Jack, how could it not?

It breaks my heart my daughter only has 11 years of memories with her brother.

And It breaks my heart for the life she now has to live without him.

It’s not fair.

Today is a shit day.

I know the triggers for when a bad day is coming, yet some days they come out of the blue.

I know what I have to do to get through today.

I know how ugly it’s going to be.

I can barely breathe, my heart is aching, yet I just have to hold on and ride this huge wave of grief out, no matter what it looks like.

To everyone out there who is feeling like this today…….. I see you and I feel you. I know it feels like we won’t make it through the day, but we will.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, we will get through it.

Today I’m missing my Jacky Boy that little bit more.

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