As Christmas draws closer

As the year winds down and I’m finally able to catch my breath, I can feel the heaviness in my heart growing with each breath I take, as Christmas draws closer. For what is a joyous time of year for so many, it is a painstakingly difficult time, I wish I could sleep away.

It’s another reminder that there is an empty chair where Jack should be sitting, another reminder that he is missing from all the memories we are making. It is bittersweet. Behind every smile my heart is breaking wishing I could just see him for a moment, but in that moment, I know I wouldn’t be able let him go again.

As I write this, I can see Jack in the reflection of my eyes. I can see him and his sister mucking around on their phones laughing at different things, I can see him playing with his little cousins like he used to, and I can see him cracking his jokes and having a drink with my Dad. God, I miss him, with every inch of my being I miss him.

As I look through videos, I can’t help but cry. I miss my beautiful boy so much. With every passing day he seems further away. I hate this feeling.

This is our 5th Christmas without Jack, and it never gets any easier. Contrary to the belief that time heals …………I’m here to tell you that this is simply not true. Nothing will ever heal the loss of my beautiful boy.

For those carrying heavy hearts, I see you and send you my love.