Some days are harder than others

It’s one of those nights and early mornings. 2am and I’m wide awake. My mind is racing, my jaw is clenched, and the tears fall as I lay in bed. It doesn’t matter what I do, my anxiety is at an all-time high, my stomach is churning, and my heart is caught in an endless…

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You would have been 26

Yesterday, my beautiful Jack would have turned 26 Eight birthdays have passed without him, and it’s a day I’ll never get used to. As a parent who’s lost a child, the absence of Jack is something I’ll never fully get used to. Each year, his birthday brings back the most beautiful memories, yet the pain,…

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I sat at your tree

I sat at your tree and watched as the clock in your car turned to 12.03am, the time the first call was made to 000. Every anniversary is the same yet hauntingly different. Like clockwork, the memories come flooding back all at once, playing on repeat, and I’m standing in the corner of every memory,…

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I can still remember the phone call

Our lives will never be the same. I can still remember the phone call in the first few moments of Good Friday, a phone call that has torn our whole world apart. Please drive safely this Easter. Everyone deserves to get home safely to their families.

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Quiet Moments

There’s something in these quiet moments that make me miss him more. I know he’s with me, I feel him. Sometimes he takes me by surprise with a quiet whisper that makes my heart skip a beat, sometimes it’s a feather directly in my path, and sometimes it’s the linger of his scent in the…

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Today you would be 24

Today my beautiful boy would be 24 and I couldn’t miss him more if I tried. I miss his beautiful big smile more today than ever before, not realising that this could even be possible. I wish today could be a day of celebration but it’s simply another reminder he’s not earth side with us…

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Grief, a rollercoaster that never ends

The house is quiet. Sleep evades me yet again; it has been for some time now, and I’m exhausted. I am forgetting to breathe; I am forgetting to take a moment to sit with myself. Simmering away just under the surface are all the emotions I am trying desperately to push to the side because…

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5 Years ~ 1826 Days

5 years ~1826 days   There is a heaviness in my heart as this day is here again.   No matter how much time passes there is still a sense of yesterday and forever that rolls into one.   I trace my fingers over your things in your bedroom. I pick up your hat and…

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How have I survived this long without you?

As my broken heart continues to beat, time relentlessly ticks away. Life continues to move forward, and I can’t help but feel like it’s left me behind. I see happiness people have created. I see beautiful photos of families that people share. I see the joy and happiness in peoples lives. It makes me smile,…

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God I miss him

God I miss him. It’s an indescribable pain that never leaves my heart. It’s the fleeting moment I look outside and see his car. It’s the initial thought and smile “Oh Jacky Boy’s home”, only to remember he’s gone from this physical plane. 1,753 days of carrying my broken heart and it’s all just too much.

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